It was you by Ronix^^ [Review]

Review for: “It was you” By Ronix^^

Reviewed by: MCMPSLY7 @ Amis Infinity

URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Asian_Fanatic03/

NOTICE: Keep in mind that I’m not trying to discourage you as a writer but help you.

Title: 3/5

—The title is nice, but it’s very common and not that catchy.

Poster & Background: 10/10

—I love the poster and Background. It’s intriguing to look at and from the looks of it, it seems like it’ll be romantic with tragedy. The coloring sets a sad mood.

Characters: 3/5

—I couldn’t really understand or connect with the characters as much as I want too. Hebe, was sorta all over the place. One minute she’s confused then the next she’s happy. I get her being puzzle because of the accident and the 3 years of coma, but still don’t understand her. And she seems gullible and her actions are unrealistic base on the situations. For example, you can obvious tell that Mike is lying to her about the past, but Hebe seems to be ignoring that. Mike’s character is a bit more believable base on his actions. Because his love for her makes him do crazy things. The only character that I can actually see is Aaron. I sense his frustrations with Hebe and the anger he has for Mike. Overall, your characters needs more background so we as readers could understand the choices they make.

Forewords: 8/10

— It’s interesting and leaves you wanting to know more.

Plot: 15/20

—I’ve seen plots where someone gets into an accident and forgets the past, so this is something that has been done. However, the directions that you’re taking with this story is different so I’ll give you credit for that.

Creativity: 6/10

—Most stories are made up of the characters and since I feel that your characters are kinda off, the story feels uncomfortable. There were times when I was lost and confuse at what I was reading. The problems you make the characters go through were fine.

Flow: 7/10

—The story seems rushed and fast pace. I think it would have been better if you include more details.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 13/15

—Your spelling is fine although there are some mistakes. For example, when Aaron said, “You were coming to MY proposal.” It seems that he was getting engage to someone else and not her. You should’ve said, “You were coming to OUR proposal.” Or something like that. Your vocabulary was impressive. I like your choice of bigger words over the simpler ones.

Style of writing: 8/10

—This doesn’t seem like a one-shot to me since you mention that it will have 7-8 chapters with an epilogue. It’s more of a longer story. You style is good, however you should write in paragraphs so it’s clearer to understand then indenting every single sentence.

Overall enjoyment: 3/5
—I’m a sucker when it comes to romance, so I’m giving you points for that. Although I feel that you can improve more if you made things clearer and add more details. Good luck with the rest of this story

Total: 76/100