Pair of Hands by brightside [Review]

Pair of Hands by brightside

Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/pairofhands/

Reviewed by m_girl07 @ Amis Infinity

Title: 4/5

-You have a pretty catchy title and it definitely relates to your story because of the dreams that she keeps having. I just think it could be a little more original because it’s pretty straightforward.

Poster & Background: 10/10

-I loved your poster and background and thought it blended in really well with your font colour. And the graphics are pretty as well=).

Characters: 4/5

-You had quite a few characters but that’s what kept it interesting but they all seemed to be revolved around Dia’s life. They all seemed to have the same personalities, which made it a little bland at times but I think you still did a good job=D!

Forewords: 9/10

-Your foreword was great and would’ve been perfect if it was a bit more detailed or longer. You had a character breakdown and a little prologue but I feel like you’re missing something; maybe an author’s note=p?

Plot: 17/20

-You pretty much had everything in a standard plot. You developed a climax and am working on it but I think you’re developing it a little too slowly (more in the ‘Flow’ section).

Creativity: 8/10

-Your ideas are different from what’s usually written in fanfics, which is great=D! I have read the idea before but not as often as I’d like=p.

Flow: 6/10

-Like I said before, you have a great story going on here but I think you should quicken the pace a little=p. You are kind of dragging it because by chapter 16, she still isn’t friends with Phillip.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 13/15

-Your grammar and spelling is pretty good! I just found a few things here are there but nothing to worry about=). I just thought I’d show you some so you know what I’m talking about:

“Mama was dressed in her blue blouse with raffles in front and around the neck, and black with thin brown vertical lined slacks.” (Chapter 1)

-When you said “raffles”, I think you meant “ruffles” because raffles are the tickets used in draws=p.

“Classmates who did not still show up until the seventh meeting will be marked dropped.” (Chapter 2)

-You have to rearrange this sentence because the words aren’t where they’re supposed to be: “Classmates who do not show up after the 17th meeting will be dropped from the course.”

“She banged into someone and they both fell into the floor.” (Chapter 4)

-“Banged” has the same meaning but doesn’t sound right in that sentence. You should use something like “ran” or “bumped”

“There were sets of stone statue lining up the lobby.” (Chapter 11)

-“Statue” should be plural because there’s more than one

“You were spacing out, just now.” He sat beside her with 2 feet distance while rubbing the pinched ear.” (Chapter 13)

-You don’t need the comma because it would break the thought

“That’s because I ‘barrowed’ something without consent the owner’s consent.” (Chapter 13)

-“Barrowed” should be “borrowed”

Style of writing: 9/10

-You have your own style, which makes it unique. I like how you always include so many details so it makes it easier to visualize=).

Overall enjoyment: 3/5

-I did enjoy it but I thought it got a bit technical with all the explanations on the handwriting and the dreams. Of course you would have to explain it to the readers that don’t know but you kind of made it too long and at times, there were paragraphs on it.

Total: 83/100